I am frustrated. For the past few nights, instead of blogging, I have been playing a MMORPG and I could not get Vent set up tonight. Does that explain everything to you? If so, you are probably about as big of a nerd as I am and need no further explanation. However, in the interest of inclusiveness, I will translate from geek-speak to English. One of my favorite persons in the universe (real or fictional), Gazz, invited me to try Rift, a Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game (light bulbs are turning on as I type, I see), a few days ago. I have been known to dip into WoW on occasion, though usually only in the dead of winter when even the thought of going outside to grab a beer sends shivers down my spine. This time, however, Gazz sent me a free seven-day trial that automatically sets his characters up in my friend list and allows me to play on European servers if I so choose. Two words: yes, please! I typically level on my own since I am not the most social creature and I hate being called a noob. Oh, and I am not prone to researching the most effective and efficient way to play based on my personal gaming style. I grew up on Atari with a controller that only offered the choice of up, down, left, right, or the fire button. No customization there. So I am reluctant to show off my lack of seriousness to just anyone but I figured that I have been clear enough about my play style that he should know exactly what to expect while teaming up with me. I know for a fact that he is a good player since he is in a guild, researches the best strategies/weapons/spells, uses the correct terminology for in-game items, and…well…you know…cares. Naturally, I was (and remain) a bit nervous about playing alongside such dignitaries.

Back to the point: I tried to set up Ventrilo so that I could listen to Gazz’s beautiful British accent while mauling enemies. No such luck. The software downloaded, the server is correctly connected, but my laptop decided that sending and receiving sound was a step too far. I could faintly hear his voice from across the pond but was completely unable to get the settings corrected. Maybe it is the glass of wine (or several) I drank, maybe it is my laptop being uncooperative but either way, my night has been destroyed. Sure, Gazz and I took our respective toons out to maim and kill. Well, I did my best to maim and kill while he kept me alive but the point is, it would have been a thousand times easier if he could have simply told me I was being a noob instead of typing the same sentiment out via the in-game chat feature. And I would have had the pleasure of being told I sucked in softly accented English, as opposed to listening to the harsh clicking of my keyboard. Ugh!

On a more disappointing note, I apparently cuss significantly more than either his guild mates or the game appreciates. Gazz had to go searching for the filter section in the options menu so that he was able to fully appreciate everything I expressed although he has been playing this game since the beta version was out. I mean, really?  I turned my own filter off within five minutes. Do people on the European servers act that nice to each other? No trash talk? I might have to switch back to good ol’ American servers so as not to offend the sensitive UK nerds. Fuck yeah!

**Update: This post has been sober-edited for content and clarity. Though it still contains a number of issues, I am leaving them to remind myself not to hit the post button until sobriety returns.

My parents were in town this weekend and I am not sure if the purpose was to visit me or to clean my dirty apartment. I feel bad that they drove all the way over here from Indiana to spend several hours trying to undo months of laziness on my part. Even my father felt the need to get in on things and comment on the disaster. Personally, I can take his statements with a heart-stopping dose of salt since he cleans even less often than I do but it does not change the fact that my parents are wonderful people who are always there for me when I fail to do even the most basic things for myself. I promise I will grow up one day, Mom, though if it is anything like my promise to sweep the floors once a week, it may take some time before it becomes reality.

My parents chose the ungodly hour of 5:30 am to shove off for home. Normally, this would not bother me but I had to get up and let them out of the garage. I was able to return to sleep fairly quickly but the disturbance left me feeling rather groggy all day. When I finally woke up, I decided I needed to find a somewhat easy hike to make up for both this weekend and the fact that I had not been able to exercise since last Thursday, when I attempted to tear my left calf muscle in half. I settled on the Columbia Bottom Conservation Area since it is close to home, making it easy to do as a last minute idea.

Gorgeous day for a hike

I made a really important discovery today: hiking is my personalized form of therapy. I enjoy going alone because about halfway through, my thoughts drift to everything that has happened and I am able to take all the hurt, anger, and disappointment and roll it up into a driving force that pushes me to pound out the miles in a short period of time. I try to occupy myself with daydreams of a new job or new adventures but somewhere along the way, I lose that train of thought. Suddenly, I am relentlessly pushing through the roughage with nary a glance to either side and when this thought line is finished, I am left feeling exhausted and empty. Today, for example, I lost steam with about 3/4 of a mile of trail left and I could barely finish. My shoulders slumped and I could hardly lift my feet to take a step. My next goal is to learn how to sustain this drive and focus it on other tasks like running in hopes that I can use it to finish a 5K without passing out.

This post goes out to my friends, in case I have not shared the love enough recently. Let me say this loud and clear: I have the best friends in the world. I understand that other people may debate this one with me but let me ask: have your friends cleaned your bathroom? I can answer with a straight face that yes, my friends are so awesome that my bathroom sparkles.

In my time of darkest need, I reached out to Jesse and for the amazingly low price of a case of beer and a pizza, he came over and cleaned with a vengeance. Though he says my house was nowhere near as bad as claimed (it was), he scrubbed and washed and polished until my bathroom shines. I could not be more ecstatic. I said I was going to call the health department to see if they would allow me to serve dinner in there. I am not sure it has ever been this sanitary and I am the first person to occupy this space after it was renovated. I even took a photo of the toilet because it looks like a work of art to me. See? It is now blue like a hippy tie-dye t-shirt, which I understand means it is on its way to being clean and fresh. I also learned today that Clorox wipes can do nearly everything and that wiping a glass shower door down after use greatly decreases the amount of cleaning time required. So many new and interesting things to ponder as I take my shower tomorrow and then promptly forget as soon as I turn the water off.

Anyway, I was so proud of all my hard work (delegation, as they say in the business world) that I immediately called home and reported my accomplishments to my mother. She naturally asked if I had spoken to my grandmother to share the good news. Sadly, I had not but the fact remains: due to my amazing leadership skills and awesome friends, I now have a clean space in my apartment for the first time in three months. Jesse, I owe you approximately 9,000,000 favors. I know it seems small but the lifeline you threw to me tonight is long enough to rescue me from Mars.

I am hoping not to jinx my luck but it seems like it is high time for some positive happenings around these parts. This week has been a series of happy events and though nothing definitive has happened to change my circumstances, I have a great feeling that the best is yet to come. I am not even sure where this feeling stems from. It could be from something as simple as me willing good things to happen but I personally choose to believe that all the positive energy emanating from my friends has coalesced into a giant ball of good luck.

As my coworker likes to remind me, I tend to get vague in my posts so I am going to try and backtrack to provide some context. Shortly after the beginning of the Dark Time, I sent an email to a consultant who is working with my department telling her that I thought her job sounded great and asking how I could get into similar work. Unbeknownst to me, she forwarded my info to a woman at another consulting firm. After a series of errors, we connected this past week via phone. I had a great conversation with her and was told that a position was open with her company.

Following this conversation, I had to leave the city and go hiking at Pere Marquette Park (I would link the park’s website but it is garbage. Thanks, Illinois). Bad website notwithstanding, this is one of my favorite parks in the area and the place I return to every time I need to think things through. I sweated out two miles in the bluffs pondering the implications of leaving the St. Louis metro area. I came to realize two things: 1) the ties I have to this area are very weak right now and 2) moving would really and truly signify the end of my relationship. I am perfectly fine with the first and had a really hard time accepting the second but know that it is the right way to look at things. I will admit to all the world that I cried nearly all the way home after coming to this realization but I am now much stronger for having faced it. I feel at peace with the direction things are going and have determined that nothing is going to keep me down so please continue to send the love my way!

One last thing: I received a phone call the very next morning from the recruiter for the position we discussed the night before. I now have a phone call scheduled with the recruiter for Monday. Though I am not entirely sure what to expect, I am excited and looking forward to the next step.

Under normal circumstances, my birthday is celebrated for at least a week and is akin to a national holiday in my mind. To me, it is an opportunity to gather my friends together and say thanks for making my life better. I am proud to turn a year older because during that time, I have had many amazing adventures and met really neat people. But considering all the madness swirling around me, I just did not feel up to it this year. Not that I want this to be a negative post but I have to be honest and admit that I have a few bad days every now and again. This year was especially poignant because my birthday week was supposed to coincide with a vacation in Minneapolis to catch up with old friends. When The Ex walked away, there went my vacation, which put a slight damper on my desire to celebrate. I know, I know: I should put in an extra effort to make this birthday better than ever. However, I did not make many plans and the ones I did make mostly fell apart.

Case in point: Date #2 was scheduled to happen on my birthday at City Museum (an aside: if you have not been to this place, schedule your visit immediately!). Early in the afternoon, I received a text from him calling it off due to a server issue at his place of employment, which was going to occupy him for the remainder of the day. UPDATE as of 8/5/2011: I have not heard from him since that day so I will take that to mean he was completely uninterested. Why didn’t he just say so? Boys!

Never fear, though! The day was not a complete bust because I have the greatest friends and they came through in a pinch. At the last moment, Susan and Howard threw together an evening out that included a wonderful Italian dinner followed by nightcaps at our favorite neighborhood watering hole. Ms. Missy even managed to join us after her flight returned somewhat early.

Up Next: The Return of the Belligerence!