Daydreams

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My parents were in town this weekend and I am not sure if the purpose was to visit me or to clean my dirty apartment. I feel bad that they drove all the way over here from Indiana to spend several hours trying to undo months of laziness on my part. Even my father felt the need to get in on things and comment on the disaster. Personally, I can take his statements with a heart-stopping dose of salt since he cleans even less often than I do but it does not change the fact that my parents are wonderful people who are always there for me when I fail to do even the most basic things for myself. I promise I will grow up one day, Mom, though if it is anything like my promise to sweep the floors once a week, it may take some time before it becomes reality.

My parents chose the ungodly hour of 5:30 am to shove off for home. Normally, this would not bother me but I had to get up and let them out of the garage. I was able to return to sleep fairly quickly but the disturbance left me feeling rather groggy all day. When I finally woke up, I decided I needed to find a somewhat easy hike to make up for both this weekend and the fact that I had not been able to exercise since last Thursday, when I attempted to tear my left calf muscle in half. I settled on the Columbia Bottom Conservation Area since it is close to home, making it easy to do as a last minute idea.

Columbia Bottoms Conversation Area scenery

Gorgeous day for a hike

I made a really important discovery today: hiking is my personalized form of therapy. I enjoy going alone because about halfway through, my thoughts drift to everything that has happened and I am able to take all the hurt, anger, and disappointment and roll it up into a driving force that pushes me to pound out the miles in a short period of time. I try to occupy myself with daydreams of a new job or new adventures but somewhere along the way, I lose that train of thought. Suddenly, I am relentlessly pushing through the roughage with nary a glance to either side and when this thought line is finished, I am left feeling exhausted and empty. Today, for example, I lost steam with about 3/4 of a mile of trail left and I could barely finish. My shoulders slumped and I could hardly lift my feet to take a step. My next goal is to learn how to sustain this drive and focus it on other tasks like running in hopes that I can use it to finish a 5K without passing out.

Dilemma

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I believe I have officially entered full-fledged crisis mode in the job sphere. I know I need to find a new position but I do not have the slightest idea what I should be seeking. I am one of those people who tends to bounce from one career path to another in my head and every time I switch, I will sincerely believe that all of them are equally exciting and attainable. Earlier this year, I went back to my alma mater’s career center in a concerted effort to try and find the perfect job for me. I had a great time filling out the personality and interest surveys and exploring the many fields out there. If you want to join me in imagining the possibilities, O*Net is a great place to start. I spent hours on this website daydreaming about being everything from an engineer to a research scientist to a computer nerd. I can be anything when I grow up! The problem is that I apparently need to narrow it down to a manageable amount of options. Drat!

I do have a small but growing list of things that I hope will lead to the Best Job Ever! (Yes, that needs to be capitalized.) First and foremost, I want a job that is meaningful, where I can have a positive impact. I would like to work with energetic, forward-thinking people who are enthusiastic about their work, preferably with a flexible schedule that allows me the freedom to plan my own time.

Here’s where the dilemma lies. I am heading down a path right now that potentially leads to a consulting career and all that signifies: excellent pay, neat corporate bennies (on-site massage? Yes, please), and business travel. Where is the downside, you ask? I would have to move halfway across the country and start over. I also am not sure it would meet the first criterion listed above. However, if I do not pursue this fully, I am not sure where I will end up in this area. I have been browsing the listings and there is not a lot out there beyond this one nonprofit I am desperate to join. Recently, I feel I have really started to become a more active member of the St. Louis community and am uncertain that leaving now would be in my best interest. I have been pondering this for a couple weeks now and the only certain thing is the feeling of absolute boredom that descends upon me every time I step into my cube. I know there is more out there and remain hopeful that I do not have to stumble to take the next step on my career path.

LouFest

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Before I fall asleep, I need to write a few words about LouFest. I signed up to volunteer a few weeks ago because the lineup looked amazing. I asked myself if a free ticket to the event was worth the price of a few hours of my time. The answer to that question is a resounding “yes,” most likely because I am cheap. I was really looking forward to The Roots and was disappointed when Hurricane Irene had other ideas and forced airports on the East Coast to be shut down, making it impossible for the group to make the festival. However, Questlove managed to make it and put on a DJ set that had the entire crowd shaking and moving to 85 years of music. Beyond that set, I thoroughly enjoyed !!!, TV on the Radio, and a teen band called Feedback. They were playing the kids stage to my right and when they busted into some Led Zeppelin, I initially groaned, thinking that there was no way that they would do the song justice. My caution was unnecessary as they rocked it. Thumbs up to young talent!

Beyond the music, LouFest gets my blessing for its efforts to lessen its environmental impact. They encourage festival-goers to bike or ride Metro to the venue, use compostable containers for all food items, have on-site recycling, and ask everyone to bring their own water bottle. This year, Event Water Solutions provided free water refills to everyone and I had the pleasure of volunteering in this booth all weekend. Paul and Patrick are great guys (even if they are Canadian) and I had a lot of fun goofing off…I mean…working hard to keep the masses hydrated. I have not heard the final count on the amount of plastic water bottles kept from the landfill but the last I heard, it was over 12,000. I am very proud of the event organizers for all their efforts to bring great musicians to St. Louis and to make the festival as eco-friendly as possible.

T-athalon

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I have been reading The Heart and the Fist by Eric Greitens for the past couple weeks and it has really made me reevaluate my own life. I must first say that Eric seems unreal and had this been a novel, I would have scoffed at the concept. Honestly, no real person goes to college, does humanitarian work in Rowanda, is selected as a Rhodes scholar, and then decides to become a Navy Seal. He is now working on his non-profit, The Mission Continues, to challenge wounded and disabled vets to return to service in their communities. I highly recommend checking this group out, especially the employee bios. Simply amazing. Just listing out Eric’s achievements makes my head swim and then I take a look at my resume and realize that I have done very little thus far. Sure, I have challenged myself mentally and academically numerous times but my impact on this world has been minimal, if that. It is a lot to process and while there are numerous options out there, none of them feel like the right one yet.

White Bison trail marker

End trail!

This leads me to Friday. I had been thinking that I needed a physical challenge after reading the chapter on the Navy Seal’s Hell Week. I, for one, would be ringing that bell after about half an hour on the first day but I figured that I could do something that was still challenging but a bit less extreme. I decided to create a T-athalon to alleviate some stress. To this end, I did an hour of yoga, attempted to run in Forest Park, and hiked the White Bison trail in Lone Elk Park. I will admit that I was a bit overambitious on the running part, as I only managed 22 minutes of it before giving up, but overall, I was quite proud of myself. It was no Hell Week but it was a great start to even more ambitious physical challenges.

Green burrs

My vote for most annoying plant

One last thing: You need to do more routine trail maintenance, St. Louis County Parks Department. I spent nearly as much time picking little green burrs out of my pants than I did actually hiking due to all the overgrowth along the pathways. I am not opposed to pushing plants aside every now and again but to wade through them and come out with a leg full of clinging burrs is obnoxious.

Paean To My Friend

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This post goes out to my friends, in case I have not shared the love enough recently. Let me say this loud and clear: I have the best friends in the world. I understand that other people may debate this one with me but let me ask: have your friends cleaned your bathroom? I can answer with a straight face that yes, my friends are so awesome that my bathroom sparkles.

Toilet bowl art

In my time of darkest need, I reached out to Jesse and for the amazingly low price of a case of beer and a pizza, he came over and cleaned with a vengeance. Though he says my house was nowhere near as bad as claimed (it was), he scrubbed and washed and polished until my bathroom shines. I could not be more ecstatic. I said I was going to call the health department to see if they would allow me to serve dinner in there. I am not sure it has ever been this sanitary and I am the first person to occupy this space after it was renovated. I even took a photo of the toilet because it looks like a work of art to me. See? It is now blue like a hippy tie-dye t-shirt, which I understand means it is on its way to being clean and fresh. I also learned today that Clorox wipes can do nearly everything and that wiping a glass shower door down after use greatly decreases the amount of cleaning time required. So many new and interesting things to ponder as I take my shower tomorrow and then promptly forget as soon as I turn the water off.

Anyway, I was so proud of all my hard work (delegation, as they say in the business world) that I immediately called home and reported my accomplishments to my mother. She naturally asked if I had spoken to my grandmother to share the good news. Sadly, I had not but the fact remains: due to my amazing leadership skills and awesome friends, I now have a clean space in my apartment for the first time in three months. Jesse, I owe you approximately 9,000,000 favors. I know it seems small but the lifeline you threw to me tonight is long enough to rescue me from Mars.

Online Classes

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Have any of you out there taken an online class before? I must ask because I am taking my first one right now and am struggling to pay attention. There are far too many distractions out there on the internets, things that are way more exciting than an Intro to Flash class. These interruptions are all well and good when I am writing up a post because I am simply reiterating what I did and making some inane comments, but when it comes to learning a new skill set, my nearly undivided attention would be most useful. This class requires me to post to a discussion board and answer other students’ questions, too. Since I do not want to appear like I know nothing at all, I have to come up with halfway intelligent statements. Far too much brainpower is required for 6 CEUs, in my estimation, and finding the time is not as easy as I thought it would be when I signed up. I still believe that online classes are a great concept but I am not sure I have the willpower to concentrate long enough to get something out of it.

And speaking of being online…I have a date lined up for Friday night with a guy I met on a free online dating site. He asked me if I would like to get a cold soda. I laughed out loud and decided that such a 1950s question deserved an immediate response. I hope his sense of humor translates from email to real life because it is just offbeat enough to keep me entertained. Actually, I should probably set the bar a bit lower than that. I hope he does not cancel at the last minute and then not text again.

Loss of Control

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I know everyone has their bad days, ones where everything feels a bit off even if there were no particularly bad incidents. For me, yesterday was that day. What started out as a great day quickly turned into an emotionally taxing one and I am not sure when I hit that exit ramp.

To begin, I must thank both Missy and Jesse for gently prodding me to get out of bed and hit the trail. Without an early morning text from Jesse, I might not have moved until sometime around noon, as is my usual wont on a Sunday, but text he did and I drug my sorry butt out of my lonely bed. We hiked for an hour with a ten minute break at the top of the hill (Missy religiously times these things or else I would not know that) and then hit up Hot Shots in Fenton for post-good-thing bad food. I believe everything on that menu has bacon on it in some form. The burger Missy and I split included bacon, a chipotle spread, and jalapeno poppers. Who comes up with this stuff? It was rather tasty, though.

I managed to make it to my house and shower before crashing but that is where the good part of my day ended. I took one look around my apartment and realized that I could procrastinate no longer; I had to start cleaning. The bathroom being the nastiest place, I tried to tackle that first. I have no idea how my shower came to have a black bottom but cleaning it only seems to move the dirt from one side of it to the other. I have known this for a while but for some reason, I found myself crying tears of frustration within a few minutes of project commencement. I feel like my dirty, disorganized house is a symbol for all that is wrong with my life right now. I cannot even get one corner clean before everything is all messed up again. How does anyone manage a 6000 square foot manse?!?!

Next thing I know, I am trying to keep my tears in check while getting cleaning advice from my mother and grandmother over the phone. It must have been obvious to them that I was losing control because my dad called me about an hour later and he is not one to pick up the phone for some idle chat. By that point, I had scrapped the entire cleaning project in favor of surfing the internet. I have decided that pointedly ignoring the disaster surrounding me is better for my sanity than attempting to correct the problem on my own. So if anyone out there wants to throw me a cleaning party, I am definitely open to the idea.

Challenge

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This one goes out to Steve, who has the misfortune to sit in front of me every other week. He asked me yesterday how much time I spend writing these posts. I gave him an answer of about fifteen minutes without editing but I am now going to attempt to clock that on my own as I write to see if that response stands the test of time. It is currently 7:35 pm so check the time stamp when I post it. I freely admit that I frequently chat with people or check my email in between composing sentences. Yes, I still write like I have to put together a twenty page report in less than six hours with full citations. Some habits die hard.

I am going to shake things up a bit with the post, too. Usually I would take this time to write about the stunningly gorgeous hike I went on (Rockwood Reservation) and how it was humid and the trail was somewhat more strenuous due to the rocky terrain but I am going skip the details today.

Instead, I am going to use this time to highlight my post-relationship philosophy. As I point out on the About page, my goal is to do a good thing for myself for every bad thing. In this instance, I met up with my friend Michelle for a lovely dinner at Cheese-ology on Tuesday. I had the pesto one topped with breadcrumbs and washed it down with a cream soda. I feel no shame in admitting that I finished every single bite of it but definitely put that particular meal in the bad category, meaning that I was now on the hook for a good thing. The next day, I received a phone call from The Ex which lasted about an hour and a half and soured my mood for much longer. Another bad thing. When my work finished for the day, the first thought that went through my head was that it was time check something off in the good category and decided that a head-clearing, cleansing hike in the woods would be just the ticket. I had recently picked up a book of St. Louis-area hikes so I chose a new place to visit, grabbed my gear, and hit the trail. Drenched in sweat an hour later, I could finally throw something onto the good pile.

So there you have it, Steve: a new blog post (and I put in a load of laundry) and it has taken about twenty minutes to write. I was a little off but my time estimates usually are.

Walk in the Park

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Why am I posting at nearly midnight on a school night? Well, folks, I have my good days and I have my bad ones and tonight has fallen into the latter category. I cannot sleep so I thought I would take the time to write.

Shelter at Babler Memorial State Park

On Sunday, I followed the advice of my coworker Sam and headed out to Babler State Park to hike but before I get to that, I need to take a detour to talk about the suburban nonsense one is forced to drive by prior to getting there. The subdivisions out this way are absolutely ridiculous and unnecessary as far as I can tell. The houses have enough gables to proclaim them as expensive and are far enough from the city to show that the occupants have escaped all the urban problems that beset St. Louis proper….that is, until the next exurb opens up beyond them. I have trouble understanding why people move to the first ring of suburbs, let alone all the way out in land once considered a flood plain.

Beyond that, however, lies Babler, a state park that remains nearly untouched by the encroaching development nearby. It is a serene place to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. I stopped off at the visitor’s center on my way into the park to grab a map and talk to the woman behind the desk. I knew from some prior research that the park is quite large and did not want to waste time getting lost along the way. The friendly woman pointed out a great trailhead that serves both the Dogwood and Woodbine trails so I started there.

Trees at Babler State Park

The walk itself was beautiful but the paths are not particularly strenuous, which was probably a good thing for me following two days of activity. I spend about two hours meandering through the woods on these paths and could not have felt more relaxed afterwards. I am already searching for my next hiking adventure and hope that someone will be able to join me next time.

Grant’s Trail

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I woke up this morning to a perfect blue sky and moderate temperatures and decided that this was an opportunity to get outside that could not be missed. This decision may also have had something to do with not wanting to clean my house but that is not the point. The point is that every time I drive on I-44 and see the brightly painted Grant’s Trail bridge, I want to check this bike path out but by the time I get home, I have forgotten this piece of information. Not this time, however. Last night, Susan mentioned going for a bike ride this weekend and it must have planted a seed in my brain because that is the first thing I thought of when I opened my eyes.

T's bicycleI should back up a bit and say here that I have not ridden my bike since early spring when I made the mistake of dusting off my bike and riding for nearly eighteen miles. About halfway through this journey, I realized not only was I running low on water but the bike seat was also rubbing me the wrong way…literally. Nothing was more miserable than the last five miles of that trip. By the time I got home, I was swearing like a drunken sailor and barely able to walk.

Fast forward to today. I have not been on my bike since that incident but figured that this trail is touted as being paved and flat. I am now smart enough to fill the bladder on the CamelBak to take on the ride and bring a sports drink for post-riding replenishment. The seat, however, has not been changed out so for the first half of the trip, I was fine but it was not the most pleasant experience on the way back to the truck. True to the website’s word, the trail is mostly flat and has a decent amount of shade and rest areas along it. The only real problem I encountered besides the seat issue was the wind hitting me in the face as I struggled to make it through the final few miles. All in all, it was a great experience and I hope someone will be able to join me next time.

Unrelated side note: Someone needs to stand by my side and keep me from buying a digital SLR. I really, really, really want one.